bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
stop calling my apartment porn island.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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