so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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