Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
