I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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