What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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