i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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