I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
