...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize