I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
