Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
