I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
