We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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