I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
