Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
