you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
