he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
and she was petting her beer can
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize