I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
