Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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