Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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