my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
