The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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