that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
