I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
