I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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