I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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