I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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