yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
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