Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
