Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
