shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
