Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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