Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
