that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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