How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
