Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
