either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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