She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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