If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
