Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think I just shit out all my problems.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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