i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
