If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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