im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
