I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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