ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize