It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
