guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
