he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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