I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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