you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
