Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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