I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
