We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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