He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize