One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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