well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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