Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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