I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
