Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
