God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
my poor anus
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
