Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
