Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
