oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
