We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
