Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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