Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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