He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
