I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
