I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
