He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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