Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize