i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
