She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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