Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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