I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
