i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Ladies don't puke and tell
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
