dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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