I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
