Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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