fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
