worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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