Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
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