Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
