Screwed.edu
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
