The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
