Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
