There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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