Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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