I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
