guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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