I bet he comes in French.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
