so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
