I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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