I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
