life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
