he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
