i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
