YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
