Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
