she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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