My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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