I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
