Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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